11 Tips for Talking to Your Partner about Debt
UpdatedApr 14, 2025
- Couples can work together to solve debt problems.
- Honesty and empathy can make those discussions go smoothly.
- Debt counseling or relief programs can be helpful for couples in debt.
Table of Contents
- 1. Be honest
- 2. Be open about the changes you’re willing to make
- 3. Support each other
- 4. Set attainable goals
- 5. Make it into a game
- 6. Know when to seek help
- 7. Discuss a joint debt repayment plan
- 8. Expect emotions and react with empathy
- 9. Schedule regular money talks
- 10. Figure out the right communication strategies
- 11. Make it a judgment-free zone
- And…understand your debt relief options
Once you’ve found the person you want to spend your life with, you’ll no doubt want to do what it takes to keep your relationship strong. Learning to talk to your partner about debt could help you not only avoid financial problems, but possibly other conflicts as well. Here are some simple tips for talking to your partner about debt so you can overcome it and build a great life together.
1. Be honest
When you’re honest with your partner, it makes for a more solid relationship—and that includes talking about money. If you’re entering a relationship with debt, be upfront about it. Share the amount of debt, what it’s costing you, and how it’s impacting your other financial goals. And if you feel it’s relevant, explain to your partner why you got into debt and how it makes you feel.
At the same time, ask your partner about their debt and, if necessary, come up with a debt relief plan together. That could mean working jointly to consolidate your debt or using a debt settlement strategy to help make your debt more manageable.
2. Be open about the changes you’re willing to make
If you’re eager to pay off debt, it could mean changing your spending habits. And those changes could impact your partner, too. If you stop eating out to save money to pay off your credit cards, you’re also asking your partner to eat at home for the foreseeable future.
When you sit down to talk to your partner about debt, share the changes you’re comfortable making, and ask them what changes they’re willing to embrace. You can also comb through your credit card bills together to identify expenses you could reduce.
While you’re talking to your partner about debt, share the changes you aren’t willing to make, too. If your partner suggests downsizing your living space but you feel that would have a negative impact on life, say so. It’s better to make compromises than build up resentment.
3. Support each other
Budgeting and cutting back on spending are great ways to get out of debt. When you talk to your partner about debt, use encouraging language and help them celebrate their wins, just like you’d want them to celebrate yours.
For example, you could set a debt payoff milestone and work toward it together. When you get there, mark the occasion with something special, like cooking a nice meal to share.
Be sure to look for ways to give both of you positive reinforcement along the way. If your partner says no to a last-minute invite out with friends, tell them you appreciate their choice to save money.
4. Set attainable goals
If you’re hoping to get rid of debt soon and so is your partner, it’s important to set yourselves up for success. That means setting attainable goals.
For example, paying off $10,000 on your credit cards could be well within your means, given enough time. If you push yourselves to pay off a large debt in just three months, you risk being disappointed.
Set reasonable goals you can work toward together. Give yourselves the freedom to explore different avenues for making your debt easier to pay off. Debt consolidation is a strategy worth discussing when you sit down to talk to your partner about debt.
5. Make it into a game
Talking with your partner regularly about debt is a good thing. At the same time, the discussions may be serious in nature. If you want to keep yourself and your partner motivated, suggest making an occasional game of it.
For example, one week, you and your partner could have a friendly contest to see who can save more money at the supermarket. Another week, you can challenge one another to shave money off your utility bills. Having a little fun on the road to paying off debt is perfectly okay. Healthy money games could help you both stay positive about the work you’re doing to create a better financial future.
6. Know when to seek help
If talking to your partner about debt doesn’t lead to productive solutions for paying it off, it could be time to bring in the experts. That could take a lot of the pressure off of you and help you feel more positive about your financial situation.
Debt relief programs exist to offer people who are overwhelmed with debt a lifeline. If your partner isn’t on board with the idea of getting help, read up on the benefits of debt relief so that you can explain the positives. The two of you could research debt relief companies so you’re both part of the decision-making process. When you’re ready to talk to an expert, do so together so you can discuss your options privately once you have the information you need. Freedom Debt Relief provides a free, no obligation debt analysis.
7. Discuss a joint debt repayment plan
Talking to your partner about a debt repayment plan is a good way to turn those conversations into positive, productive ones. One way to strengthen your relationship while you ditch your debt is to come up with a debt repayment plan. When you work as a team, you could develop even more of a bond.
One way to approach debt repayment is to list all of your existing debts and choose a method for tackling them. You may decide to pay off your smallest balances first, or attack your debts with the highest interest rates first. You may decide to consolidate your debts into a single loan or credit card balance and work from there.
You can also discuss tactics for freeing up more money to pay off debt. These could include following a joint budget and working a temporary second job.
8. Expect emotions and react with empathy
Talking to your partner about debt isn’t the same as discussing your favorite TV show. The conversation could get emotional—understandably.
Be prepared to react with empathy if talking about debt triggers some tough emotions in your partner. And if you’re feeling upset, don’t bottle it up.
Remember, you and your partner are in this together. Be prepared to support each other and lift each other up as needed.
9. Schedule regular money talks
Talk to your partner frequently about debt. You may want to carve out time on a regular basis to discuss your debt, especially if you’re still paying it off.
Even when you’re debt-free, it’s a good idea to discuss your feelings about money. For example, you may be ready to buy a house together someday. But if you’re conflicted about taking on a mortgage, that’s something to talk about.
10. Figure out the right communication strategies
Good communication is the key to not only managing debt as a couple, but making things work smoothly in general. It’s important to figure out the right communication strategies to use when you talk to your partner about debt.
That could mean choosing your setting carefully. Since debt can be a sensitive topic, you may want to have these talks someplace quiet and private.
It’s also a good idea to time those conversations carefully. Instead of talking to your partner about debt right after work, when you both might be feeling drained after a long day at the office, wait until after dinner, or save those talks for the weekend.
You may also want to give your partner a heads-up that you’re looking to have a conversation about debt so they’re not caught off guard. And on the flip side, you might appreciate a little heads-up when your partner wants to have a more serious discussion. Give each other the same courtesy so you’re both in the right frame of mind when you talk about debt.
11. Make it a judgment-free zone
Maybe your partner landed in debt because of job loss, medical expenses, or an unexpectedly large car repair.
When you talk to your partner about debt, keep judgment out of the conversation. It’s important to understand the reasons you each got into debt so you can avoid a repeat down the line. But once you have that understanding, focus on solutions.
If your partner feels respected and valued while talking about debt, they’ll likely be more open to those conversations—and future financial discussions as well. By the same token, if you feel you can share the details of your debt without criticism, you’ll be more likely to approach conversations about money with less worry.
And…understand your debt relief options
Talking to your partner about debt is the first step toward getting to a better place financially. If you’re struggling to keep up with your debt and don’t see a way out, don’t hesitate to seek help.
Freedom Debt Relief can help you understand your options for dealing with your debt, whether it’s debt settlement or consolidation. Our Certified Debt Consultants are here to help you find a solution that could put you on a path to a better financial future, so find out if you qualify.
A look into the world of debt relief seekers
We looked at a sample of data from Freedom Debt Relief of people seeking debt relief during November 2024. This data highlights the wide range of individuals turning to debt relief.
Credit utilization and debt relief
How are people using their credit before seeking help? Credit utilization measures how much of a credit line is being used. For example, if you have a credit line of $10,000 and your balance is $3,000, that is a credit utilization of 30%. High credit utilization often signals financial stress. We have looked at people who are seeking debt relief and their credit utilization. (Low credit utilization is 30% or less, medium is between 31% and 50%, high is between 51% and 75%, very high is between 76% to 100%, and over-utilized over 100%). In November 2024, people seeking debt relief had an average of 79% credit utilization.
Here are some interesting numbers:
| Credit utilization bucket | Percent of debt relief seekers |
|---|---|
| Over utilized | 30% |
| Very high | 32% |
| High | 19% |
| Medium | 10% |
| Low | 9% |
The statistics refer to people who had a credit card balance greater than $0.
You don't have to have high credit utilization to look for a debt relief solution. There are a number of solutions for people, whether they have maxed out their credit cards or still have a significant part available.
Credit card debt - average debt by selected states.
According to the 2023 Federal Reserve Survey of Consumer Finances (SCF) the average credit card debt for those with a balance was $6,021. The percentage of families with credit card debt was 45%. (Note: It used 2022 data).
Unsurprisingly, the level of credit card debt among those seeking debt relief was much higher. According to November 2024 data, 88% of the debt relief seekers had a credit card balance. The average credit card balance was $15,618.
Here's a quick look at the top five states based on average credit card balance.
| State | Average credit card balance | Average # of open credit card tradelines | Average credit limit | Average Credit Utilization |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| District of Columbia | $16,967 | 7 | $24,102 | 121% |
| Arkansas | $12,989 | 9 | $28,791 | 83% |
| Tennessee | $13,822 | 9 | $27,261 | 82% |
| New Mexico | $11,860 | 8 | $25,731 | 82% |
| Kentucky | $12,834 | 8 | $26,156 | 81% |
The statistics are based on all debt relief seekers with a credit card balance over $0.
Are you starting to navigate your finances? Or planning for your retirement? These insights can help you make informed choices. They can help you work toward financial stability and security.
Regain Financial Freedom
Seeking debt relief can be the first step toward financial freedom. Are you struggling with debt? Explore options for debt relief to regain control of your finances. It doesn't matter how old you are or what your FICO score or credit utilization is. Take the first step towards a brighter financial future today.
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Can a wife be held responsible for a husband’s debt?
In many cases, yes. This is especially likely if the couple lived in a community property state while married or if the wife’s name is on the account.
Can one partner’s poor credit impact the other’s?
Technically, no. Someone else’s credit standing has no bearing on yours. Only credit accounts and other reportable data factors into your credit standing.
That said, many couples are intertwined financially, and one person’s actions could have a ripple effect on the other. Here’s how it would work in different scenarios:
Financial stress
If your partner spends all their money and you have to cover more than your share of your expenses, you might fall behind on your own debt payments and damage your credit score in the process.
Joint accounts
If you have joint accounts, then both people are responsible for the debt and for making the payments on time. Credit card companies don’t care what agreement you have between you. If both names are on the account and a payment is missed, the missed payment will appear on both people’s credit reports.
Authorized users
If your partner is an authorized user on your credit card account, they can legally run up the balance but aren’t required to pay the bill. The primary account holder is responsible for payments. Both people’s credit standings will be affected by the account. If you pay on time and keep the balance low, both people’s credit could benefit. If you run up the balance or pay late, both people’s credit could suffer.
Co-signers
If you co-signed a debt for someone, it shows up on your credit report and could affect your ability to get a loan when you need one. You’re legally responsible for the debt, so the lender has to consider the payment amount when they look at your debt-to-income ratio. Your DTI tells lenders whether you can afford another payment.
Also, if the primary borrower defaults, then you’re on the hook for the debt. If you don’t pay it, you’ll experience the same credit score damage that would come if you defaulted on your own debt.
Can one partner apply for a loan without the other?
Yes. There’s generally no obligation to apply for a loan jointly with a partner. However, if the loan is for something you’ll both benefit from, you may want to consider applying together so you feel equally responsible for making payments. Another reason to apply together is when you want the lender to consider both incomes. That’s a common scenario for couples who want a bigger loan than one could qualify for alone.
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